lost causes and impossible dreams

O most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honoureth and invoketh thee universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, and of things almost despaired of. 

Early 2015, I was given a Saint Jude necklace. I had heard a song by Florence + The Machine titled St. Jude. I loved the song, so I did some research on Saint Jude. I was mostly curious.

I knew immediately that he was the saint I needed at that time. Now, I’m not Catholic. I know very little about saints or anything having to do with the Catholic church. I just knew that Saint Jude was my saint. The rest didn’t matter. 

 

st.jude

Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes and impossible dreams.

I felt like a lost cause. My dreams were impossible. I was a hopeless case. I wore my St. Jude necklace and felt peace like I never had before. When times are dark, even the smallest things can help.

Today I spotted the necklace in my cabinet, and I put it on. It still means so much to me. I don’t typically wear a lot of jewelry, but this one is special. It reminds me of how far I’ve come, and the inner strength I have. Because really, I am St. Jude. I was searching for strength. I was looking for a hero, and I found it in myself. I discovered I can save myself.

I studied long and hard for the GED. I was frustrated and angry when I discovered things I didn’t know. I harnessed my anger like a wild horse and I made something good of it. The day I got the email that I had passed all four sections, I cried. My Uber driver was quite obviously a little perturbed at the crying woman in the back seat, poor guy. I wanted to get out of the car and scream to the world what I’d done. Beat the ground and cry tears of relief and finally released frustration and anger.

I had done something no one could take away from me. 

It is forever recorded that I took the GED and passed it. No one can steal that from me. I sat down and took that test with witnesses around me. It cannot be denied. It was mine. It is mine. What normally is such a simple process was a long time coming for me. I took what was mine. I stole it back what I had earned years and years ago. 

It felt good. It felt right.

Growth comes in tiny steps sometimes. I’m fiercely proud of every step I’ve taken. When I was asked if my story could be published, I said yes. I felt so proud. The same with the second time, and the third.
When I got my driver’s permit, the clerk gave me a fist bump. He doesn’t know my story, or how long of a road (pun intended, haha) this has been. But it still meant something to me. I grinned all day. I felt light as a feather.

St. Jude, I thank you for your intercession in response to my prayers. I will always be grateful to you and will spread to devotion to you.  Be with us always so we may face our problems with courage and serenity.

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