what if I want more than a mediocre life?

What if the definition of a mediocre life is highly subjective?

What if I want both? What if I want that farm house and a thriving business? What if I want to spend years studying into the night, pursuing a degree? A degree that will give me the knowledge to help and heal others?
What if I want to spend one afternoon sitting in the sun, listening to music, and the next rushing from class to class?

I want the slow and peaceful. I want to wake up on a Saturday morning and sip tea in bed. I also want that feeling I get when I’ve fought long and hard to reach a goal. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and strive for what I was always told I couldn’t have.

What if I’m aware of how capitalism works, and how I need to play the game to get that peaceful life? What if I eat ramen, stay up late hustling, and live in a studio apartment now, so I can have those rolling hills and gentle life later?
What if I want to work for those things myself? What if I don’t want to rely on anyone but myself?

What if I don’t want to be a mother? What if I was told my entire life that my worth was based on what is between my legs? What if I’ve decided my greatest responsibility is to myself? What if I spend my life doting on my partner and pets rather than children?

What if I’m not ok with where I am? What if where I am leaves me dissatisfied and joyless? What if I feel my best when I’m working hard? What if what makes me excited is when I dream of walking up those steps to get my degree? What if tears fill my eyes when I think of pulling up to the house I bought, with my own money, after working goddamn hard?

What if I press myself as hard as I can go while loving myself right where I am? What if I can do both, and still be happy?

What if I promised myself, when I was at my lowest, that I was going to get to my goals no matter how much I struggled. I told myself I’d crawl on bloody hands and knees to get those things that were stolen and hidden from me for 22 years, and I intend to do just that.

What if we all worked our best for the lives we want and didn’t take crap from anyone?

The world is too big, and people too complex to do anything but do our best and love ourselves and others.


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